Life, short stories

Not love but a tiny feeling of possession

I've found someone. Someone that I like, not love because I don't love. I've realised it now that I'm not a person who loves, not another person at least. Sure I love my parents and my friends but I don't love love. I can fall in love, I can feel the sensation of a spring crush but I don't fall deeply in love as if I can't live without that person. Passion, one might call it. I don't feel that for another person.

But now I've found someone. Someone who think alike, who have the same interest as me, who have the same experience as me and who I think I could enjoy being with maybe for the rest of my life. No, I don't love him, I've just met him. So I just slightly like him. And it's not "just" met him, it's more like I've met him once or twice each week for about two-three months.

Now comes the silly part of the story. I still don't have his number. And if I don't get it soon I won't be able to contact him for about three-four months. My plan is to ask him directly but the right moment never occurs. I could ask another person who I know has his number but that just doesn't feel right, it feels silly, childish and embarrassing. Like shouting "I love you!" on a crowded street. But then again why should it be embarrassing? I do like this person and I want to keep in touch over the summer. I'll just think I'll keep it as a last resort.

Then it's this tiny, tiny feeling of guilt. I like him, but it's not even a crush. If it was a crush one would (normally, not that anything is normal in this world) go around thinking about that person all the time. I don't. But whenever I know that soon I'll see him I'm happy. Does that count as a crush? In my mind it doesn't. But (there's a lot of buts) I think, no I have feeling we would get along really well together. So far we have. We have many things in common, not that it should matter if you're really in love but I'm not as I've already explained so it does matter to me! This makes me feel slightly possessive or connected and I don't won't to let go of him. To put it simply: he's mine but I don't love him. That's why I'm feeling guilty. Not that he is mine... I don't even has his number!

This is a bloody trap set up by fate!

By J.L.Frick

Berättelser ur livet

Jag trodde inte det skulle hända men jag har en förmåga att få saker att hända när jag tror… äh skit samma. Så här var det. Jag såg honom vid busshållplatsen, trodde inte han skulle ta samma buss men det gjorde han. Jag satte mig innan honom, på en fyrsitsigplats. Det var mycket folk så jag tog mina saker från platsen bredvid mig. Vem som helst kunde sätta sig där. För en sekund tror jag att kanske, bara kanske kommer han sätta sig bredvid mig. Och det gör han också, i verkligheten. Såna saker händer mig, jag vill att de ska hända och ibland gör de det. Ofta händer det.

Jag borde ha sagt hej direkt när han satte sig så jag hade sluppit våndas hela resan om hur jag skulle starta ett samtal nu. Ju längre vi reste desto svårare blev det.

Det som förvånade mig var att han såg mig. I alla fall så var det så det såg ut som, den andra förklaringen var att det var något väldigt intressant på min sida av fönstret. Han måste ju ha åka den sträckan 10 gånger i veckan så det känns inte så troligt.

Mot slutet av resan började han bita i sitt busskort. Jag hade säkert kunnat starta ett samtal med ”det är nog inte så bra att du biter på busskortet, det kommer gå sönder” . Men det gjorde jag inte.

Han hade basker på sig och det var en ovanligt varm dag så jag hade även kunnat säga ”är det inte varmt med basker?”.

Jag sa ingenting.

Nu hoppas jag att ödet ger mig en andra chans.

J.L.Frick