Life, short stories

Not love but a tiny feeling of possession

I've found someone. Someone that I like, not love because I don't love. I've realised it now that I'm not a person who loves, not another person at least. Sure I love my parents and my friends but I don't love love. I can fall in love, I can feel the sensation of a spring crush but I don't fall deeply in love as if I can't live without that person. Passion, one might call it. I don't feel that for another person.

But now I've found someone. Someone who think alike, who have the same interest as me, who have the same experience as me and who I think I could enjoy being with maybe for the rest of my life. No, I don't love him, I've just met him. So I just slightly like him. And it's not "just" met him, it's more like I've met him once or twice each week for about two-three months.

Now comes the silly part of the story. I still don't have his number. And if I don't get it soon I won't be able to contact him for about three-four months. My plan is to ask him directly but the right moment never occurs. I could ask another person who I know has his number but that just doesn't feel right, it feels silly, childish and embarrassing. Like shouting "I love you!" on a crowded street. But then again why should it be embarrassing? I do like this person and I want to keep in touch over the summer. I'll just think I'll keep it as a last resort.

Then it's this tiny, tiny feeling of guilt. I like him, but it's not even a crush. If it was a crush one would (normally, not that anything is normal in this world) go around thinking about that person all the time. I don't. But whenever I know that soon I'll see him I'm happy. Does that count as a crush? In my mind it doesn't. But (there's a lot of buts) I think, no I have feeling we would get along really well together. So far we have. We have many things in common, not that it should matter if you're really in love but I'm not as I've already explained so it does matter to me! This makes me feel slightly possessive or connected and I don't won't to let go of him. To put it simply: he's mine but I don't love him. That's why I'm feeling guilty. Not that he is mine... I don't even has his number!

This is a bloody trap set up by fate!

By J.L.Frick