-Are you trying to fool me into believing that you're the Sun God?
-Yes!... Well, not fool you, he put on a disturbed face. -But... I am the Sun God.
He throws his arms around as if to prove it. She looks at him suspiciously.
-I don't believe you, she says.
His wide smile fades away, he looks sad.
-Why not? (dog eyes)
-Well, everybody knows the Sun God shines like the sun and not even one insy bit of you shine. If you were bold perhaps your head would shine, but in comparison to the Sun God...
-But I do shine! It's just that I can't shine all the time and especially not when I'm visiting ordinary people. They'd go nuts if I showed up shining all over the place. They would think the sun was crushing into the planet or something. And you'd probably get blind as well.
-Well if you ain't shining I won't believe you.
He sits down, loosing fate in how to convince her. Then he shines up.
-There is a place on my body that always shines.
He starts taking off his gloves. A bright yellow light fills the room. She is amazed.
-I don't know why it's only the hands, a mistake I suppose, but it came in handy now anyway. Hah! Did you hear, come in handy. God, I'm funny. Hah! I did it again, GOD I'm funny, you know?
He puts his gloves back on.
-So now you know who I am.
She's too amazed and doesn't utter one word at all.
-Now that I think of it, I don't know you, he says.
She gets herself together and respond to his question.
-Oh, what a surprise, you don't know me, she says dryly.
-Well, I don't recognise you either. Don't think I've ever seen you. Who are you?
-I'm... What a stupid question, how could you know me? she questions him upset.
-I know everybody, he answer completely honest.
-Impossible.
-Not at all. I see the lot of you everyday. I know everyone from the time they were born until the day they die. But not you.
She turns away, ignoring the question hanging in the air. She can feel his eyes looking at her.
-Well I don't visit the temples that often, she says as an excuse.
-That I don't care for, go if you like, I'll see you anyway. Except you.
He looks around and sees a black coat hanging on a hook on the wall.
-Is that your by any chance? he asks.
She follows his outstretched finger and realise it's her coat he's pointing at.
-No, she answers shortly and puts it away.
-You're one of those anti-people, he realises and stares at her with fear.
She sighs deeply.
-Not exactly, she says glum.
He rise his eyebrows questiongly.
-It's complicated, she says even more sullen.
I think an explanation is in order. This little thing you've just read is just a draft of an idea to a story, which I thought I should share as I found it funny. Don't expect more of this story in particualr but I might post other short stories like this, stories that makes me smile. Also this is a way for me to practice other writing techniques and see how they fit me or the story. As usual, if you have any questions feel free to comment.
//J.L.Frick
7 comments:
Ok, I'm officially a loser but "The Sun God Festival," ha! Ok, I concede (at least that YOU are clever) it's definately the cleverness of you. If you want me to write more (not sure why, but whatever) maybe later but I need a break from it for now and you have tour (I think you do at least). Just let me know if you don't want me to write at some point too (no promise I will write, but if say not can promise won't). Your cleverness is refreshing but, despite crumbling oddly a bit earlier, I'm fine either way. For a while (too long of a while) I was just thrown by what I was taking notice of that I would think most would classify as unusual occurences, although at times it seems like the unusual event has no better definition than the air about me, that I allowed to shake MY concept of reality more than I wish; I'm really not a fateist as I don't care to be a defeatist, as I fought to put that away too many years ago). Sorry didn't focus on the writing if that's what you're looking for in comments with the last two (or prior; blackbird reference public enemies movie mention?), I just had to provide an explaination as I don't know if there's anything beyond the story as a story to take from your writing and as I refuse to be a fateist I'm not quick to walk into a trap by "fate" where I might (moreso) by a person of a name (even if that name isn't stated, and so not known for certain; not known for certain regardless but that's only additional rambling beyond the basic I wrote) if they said that was the intent. There is one thing I'm curious about at some point though: do you speak Swedish then whomever you are? Note: I really didn't mean to take up your whole page with this comment, just so many side notes I wasn't willing to leave out; so once you read if you have time and don't mind then if you could delete that would be great. Josh
I wanted to wait at least a month to comment here again (if correct about tour), but after reading something(s) else (and noting initials) I decided to ask: Have you ever come across writing associated with individual previously posting under 'isgreenjaded' or ever noted the music of a band called Meg and Dia (damn curiousity, ha)? If yes, then (don't be offended) I really do need a break from the indirect you (direct would be fine, but understand tour or other) for a LITTLE while, so I'm my replies are on hiatus for a bit. Note: if you really need someone to listen I am here (I don't know why, for most I'm not, but I am here), but otherwise I'm on break for a bit. Josh.
Hey Josh.
I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say but to answer the questions asked:
I have not come across writing posted under 'isgreenjaded' and I haven't heard of Meg and Dia either.
Now I have a question for you.
I presume it was you who wrote the other comment on The Sun God. I didn't publish it on the blog because I honestly couldn't understand what you were trying to say, I'm sorry. What I wanted to ask is if you're not mixing up my Sun God-draft with something else that you, in the previous comment, called the Sun God-fesitval, cause I've never said anything about a festival... And what is this about a tour? I don't get it, sorry. But thank you commenting and reading my stories!
//J.L.Frick
My apologies. First, my compliments on your writing. If there are any specific areas you would like feedback on let me know, as otherwise I am terrible at editing without modifiying the entire piece to my own (when the original was a stronger piece anyway), and so will likely refrain from commenting further IF no specific areas of focus are mentioned (and if comments are requested I will focus them on the writing at hand).
In attempting to provide some explanation to my previous comments I write the following: First, again my apologies on the nonsensical comments I sent. Second, based on a few factors such as musical considerations mentioned in one post I believe, the 'Peter Pan' reference, the title 'The Broken Ones', initials of the name penned under, and such including possibly the writing style (especially in the 'The Sun God (idea)' and timing thereof) I had mistakenly thought that you might be the same individual that has written elsewhere in association with (possibly penning for) either/or the music group Meg & Dia/Dia Frampton or the writer posting on the wordpress site 'www.isgreenjaded.wordpress.com' (wow, long sentence).
As I thought perhaps a pen name (or double pen name, that was a stretch, ha) was being utilized either here or elsewhere, I didn't want to comment directly about 'Meg & Dia' or 'IsGreenJaded', prior to realizing comments weren't automatically displayed, for the privacy of all writers/musicians concerned, in case I was correct and another party came across it, with the pen name being utilized for privacy purposes.
I must ask (and an answer of 'no' is perfectly welcomed), do you mind if I mention your site elsewhere? I ask as, although embarassing on my part, I might mention the similarities (or my incorrect perception of) on one of the sites associated with the writers/musicians refered to above IF IT IS OKAY WITH YOU TO MENTION YOUR SITE THERE? As my comments turned out to be even more bizarre than otherwise, please feel free to delete them (and this) so they don't clutter up your site; however, although foolish on my part, it doesn't bother me if they are left either.
Lastly, sorry for the length of this explanation, again my apologies on my comments, hoping this provides some (although embarrassing) light on those previous, and my compliments on your writing.
Josh
P.S. For musical listening I would recommend the band "Meg & Dia" (and I think "St Vincent", although I haven't listened to in full yet, just heard on public television and few songs so far). At least these are recently found musical preference of mine, and I believe a long standing ones going forward.
Again, sorry, I'm placing another comment as I forgot to directly answer your questions. Yes, I did post the other comment on 'The Sun God'. Based on a touring schedule posted by 'Dia Frampton' (musical group referenced prior), it looks like there is a musical event in California - United States that is called 'Sun God Festival' on May 18th that the group will be playing. With the posting of your piece, 'The Sun God', and the tour schedule occuring arround the same time, I thought perhaps the name of the musical event had inspired an idea leading to the writing you had posted, when I was uncertain about the use of a pen name/ghostwriting (here or elsewhere). I would apologize again, as the absurdity of my considerations make relevant, but I think another would only lend to the perceived diminished sincerity of those previous (which were most definately meant as sincere). Josh
No need to apologise for being curious. I can understand why you would think the two, the festival and my text, is linked. I suspect you live in US, so for you it's only natural to link the two together but for me... I live in Sweden and have never heard of the Sun God festival. But I appreciate the coincidence. It's a small world.
//J.L.Frick
I just discovered how long one of your comments were and also that I'd missed out of some information and questions.
Yes, you are allowed to mention my blog elsewhere. You are even allowed to share my stories through other media such as facebook, twitter, other blogs and mail (I have this share-bar, can't think of another name to describe it, at the end of each post so one could easily share the post on this blogs to other sites). That is actually the point to having this blog^^ Just don't forget to mention my name.
//J.L.Frick
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